Moving on

It's a new year and already have had so much happen....

this will be random and i will write what comes to mind as it comes to mind so bare with me. =]

"stupid girl, ive should have known, i should have known. im not a princess this aint a fairytale. im not the one youll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell. this aint hollywood, this is a small town..."

Lost love:
Curtis and I once again broke up. But this was final. I wrote release the detail.. just yet lol but i was basically shuned out from his mom and that was the last straw. His mother means the most to him, and he will not marry a women his mother didn't like. (not like me, i know! i dont know what i did wrong, but oh well...) and thats when this huge feeling of moving on, breaking up, came over me. i went to my mom to find strength. she reminded me i am an AYALA and we are strong and NO BOY should ever hurt me this much. That love shouldnt be what we had. **I'm not placing all blame on him or anyone else** I said what i had to say, he didnt like it so i opened my front door.

i may have been the one to let go first, but i know im the one hurting the most. and that hurts more than anything i went through during the relationship.

He's done. hes made it clear to me, and others. and it sucks but i will not chase him. if he couldnt handle me, at my worst... he does not deserve me at my best...


" i was a dreamer before you went a let me down, now its too late for you and your white horse"

MY BEST:
i got a counselor/consultant. I do need help. im not some psycho suicudal person, but i do have issuses that need to be taken care of. Anjels passing flipped my world upside down, then it was shaken, then stomped on. then events throughout the year spilled alcohol on the cuts and things were non stop. i never had a chance to heal bc anytime i mentioned it... i had to stop. i should be over it. **Hes in a better place...** blah blah effin blah. i know that ive always knew that/ but that doesnt take away the pain. and im sick of hearing it. ill never be the same. when he left a peice of me went with him. everyone please realize that. But i will be happy again. i will be my best again.

MY FAMILY:
wow, if i felt that i wasnt ever blessed before i was blind and naive. i have such an amazing family. they may not be members but i was raised with such faith and spirituality and hope and love that i am so blessed. they have never left my side when i needed it. like now, wow. And my daddy. I have the best daddy in the world. he will and has done everything in his power to keep a smile on my face. to make sure his baby girl is happy. even kleeping hi mouth closed when his daughter was in love with someone who didnt deserve her. my mom having her shoulder ready for me when i wake up crying. and having the bat ready if she needed to kick butt =] even my nephew daniel reasurring me on the next lucky boy who gets to call me his girlfriend.

FRIENDS:
it's amazing the people that come forth when you have a problem or are in a crisis and the people that dont. the ones that have shown me i mean something to you, thanks. to the rest, hope you have soeone in your life when your happy dandy life falls. no ones life is perfect and everyone will need someone at some point. dont forget to return the favor.

imma move on. with or without him. wether this wasnt our time or our love ran out. i am an AYALA and this will not break me. im going for a ride... things will change for me and my future...and some MAN will appreciate the crap ive gone through and love me for it. and he will be the lucky one to have me at my best.

"im not your princess this aint our fairytale, im gonna find someone someday that might actually treat me well... now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now."