Well i did it

I broke it off. I honestly, truly felt i had no other choice. I could have waited, but i have been. It could have been just a break. But i would still be waiting, but no interaction with him. I dont love him any less. I am still so in love. Its just not fair. You can think what you want... that im not being fair, that i should just have patience and wait. but why? You can say oh if i really loved him i would wait. But i can say the opposite. If he really loved me he wouldnt make me wait.

Do i hate myself for making that decision, no. Do i regret the decision, not yet. Am i afraid he won't come back, more than anything. BUT i'd rather do this now, than 6 more months from now and still be waiting, wishing, hoping. I wish i knew why he wanted to wait. Why he isn't ready. The only things i can think of is that im not enough. no good enough. not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not skinny enough. Not spiritual enough. Oh i can go on and on. Why? Becasue he hasn't given me a reason.

I want him to realize what he had and what he lost. I wish he would have come back right away. I wish he would have fought harder. Wanted me more. Ugh i just want to break down. i wanna call him. I want him back, but i cant have things go back to the way they were. I need and deserve more.


Im not in anyway putting him down. He is such an amazing person. So kind hearted and caring. So loving and true. He was an amazing boyfriend. But thats the thing... we were...ARE so in love. We want so much form each other.. so why wait. Why postpone happiness? Why postpone being with the person you love. He knew i was the one. I know hes the one. Why wait. idk. only he does i guess.

I love him i need him but im not going to wait forever.