Another update.. i wonder if y'all actually read this. but it gives me something to do. so i welcome nosiness =]
WORK:
Still loving this job. More responsibilites have come, of course. But nothing i can't handle =] The people here are fun and i just love ow laid back it is. im on my thrid week here and ive never felt like the newbie. I was welcomed right off the bat. i was never nervous...that has to be a good sign right?
HOME/FAMILY:
Everything is great at home. We didn't get Jospeh much this past week. My aunt Josie came down and she got my uncle Leroy. It was nice having them for the few days. My dad has been having alot of knee problems but actually has been going to the doctor, but that scares me.. if he's actually going to the doctor.. it must be a pretty bad pain =[. Hopefully the pills he has now will help. This weekend my mom and neice and myself went shopping...at the mall. Yeah my mom doesnt do the mall so that was fun. i got the cutest heels.. I will premiere them Sunday =] I love my family and how they love me.
FRIENDS:
I got the BEST complimet ever. Chris and Aroyn come by my work to pick up some things and he said Crystal, I haven't seen you in awhile, but you have a brighter light, you seem more happy." Um hello.. best ever. That almost made me cry and put this huge smile on my face. For someone to notice that wow.. I didnt know my light was dim...But im glad its brighter and i want to continue to make it better. Friends are amazing. I went to Brittneys shower and that was so much fun. The girls are crazy and i had a blast.
SELF:
I'm constantly finding things out about myself.. Good and bad. It's like i fix or start working on one thing and out pops another. But thats okay. i need to become to person i want to be. I do need to fix myself and love myself. The saying..you cant love someone else if you dont love yourself first.. as hard as it is for me to say.. its true. Like Bro. Russell said on sunday, love others as you love yourself.. but what if i dont have much love for myself so how can i love someone else more? You cant. I love everyone. But am i truly loving them as much as i can/could? I need to stop focusing on the bad, and honestly i think i have gotten better. I smile so much more. I get excited just because. I love life now and i havent in awhile. Heavenly Father made me. How can something he made..be so bad? He didn't make a mistake with me, I'm being crafted to be the best me. Im finally letting HIM do the work and not trying to be superwoman.
CHURCH:
HA, i'm going! No but really, I've always gone to sacrament meeting... and when i got my calling in primary i went bc.. i HAD to ;) but once i was released.. i always skipped out on sunday school, and sometimes Relief society.. But i've been going! And i've learned so much. I am truly seeing the blessings of going. ITs so amazing. And Institute... Ive been going to that also.. by myself. Before it was a social thing but now its not and im actually learning stuff. I love it =] Now to work on going to FHE, and some other personal things... and it'll be all good ;)
Things overall are looking up and im moving forward. I have no complaints right now. Im excited for my future =]
Monday, February 22, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
UPDATE!
Well, I GOT A JOB, and i freakin' LOVE it!
The people are amazing, fun, nice, and so laid back.
Thanks Kenzi for putting in the good words =] I owe ya one.
I work at the Palmer Drug Abuse Program or PDAP for short. They do amazing things. I am super interested in becoming an EYL (Extreme Youth Leadership)Lets see... I do all the up front stuff, answer phones, do the mail, organize community service, register people for classes, take care of the contributions made to the program, etc. I'm sure my duties will expand the longer i'm here! I am perfectly okay with that! The pay is better than what i was getting a Dr. Gadasalli's office which is good, but lame b/c i went to college to do what i did at the Doc's office, yet got paid less than i do working in an office atmosphere. After my 90 days, my pay will increase!! Which is always good right?!?! hahaha
Friends, I always knew i had awesome friends, but wow. I may not have alot of close friends, but the ones i do have are amazing and bless my life so much. Seriously. I'm so lucky to have them. I know I'll always have a shoulder to cry on, someone to shop with, someone to talk to, someone to do anything i want or need to do with. Not jsut hey lets hang out.. heck i have tons of those "friends" but people that truly care for ME and MY happiness, not what they can get from me to make them happy. So to those people...thank you and i love you.
My parents.. Just thinking of them puts that i wanna cry feeling in my throat. They go above and beyond to make me happy. It saddeness me that i never really realized how much they do care, and love me. I mean of course... im 24 still living at home with them things get crazy and we all need some space lol but they NEVER stopped nor will stop loving for me and ONLY wanting the best. As long as i am happy..thats all that matters. They dont tell me who i can or cant be with, hang out with... what i can or cant do. They raised me, and instilled good morals, they raised me in a strong faith of the Lord and have never discouraged my new faith. They continue to see the change that it is making. To see them take care of their grandchildren when many grandparents wouldnt do so is inspiring. They arent perfect by any means but they are amazing and loving and UNDERSTANDING, and i truly could not ask for more.
Guys- im not looking for anything serious but would like to find someone to have fun with and i think the guy that im "talking" to now is perfect for that.
The counseling im getting is wonderful. He says sometimes that im moving passed things TOO quickly, but i just noticed how bad i became and realized how i completely changed and wanted to be myself again. I dont think im moving to fast, just ready for the next challenge. I keep telling my family and ppl ive hurt that i want to show them the real me, but i need to be me first. And thats the hardest part. I dont know what that is anymore. after high school family drama doubled, then tripled, and its like every year got worse and worse and i become so involved in what they needed and how as a family to get better and then turning all the attention to Anjel, to losing Anjel...ugh Crystal left and got lost. I dont regret turning all my attention to my family, i dont regret giving up scholarships, or going to UT, i honestly dont, if at all, i regret not spending every single day i had with Anjel. But with that, He is gone and i cant do anything else. I cant replace him, I cant fill that whole. it left when he did but i can make sure everything else is full.
My self worth issues.. oh goodness, i think this will be the biggest issue. i cant take a compliment. its ard to be excited about losing the weight i have lost, bc im still not those pretty size 2 girls. but the thing is.. ill NEVER want to be that small. And its hard to take compliments and be happy when i still hear how PRETTY i am when i hear my friends being called BEAUTIFUL. like no matter what ill never be the beautiful girl, just the pretty one. When shopping.. do i go to the plus size or the "skinny" side. and when i go to the skinny side i still have to get the L or XL to sometimes have it not fit then tread to the "big" side to have the smallest size be too big. Then looking in the mirror and still seeing the 300lb girl then having to do double take in recent pictures or being so surprised when i look at old ones and see how big i really was.
overall, i am HAPPY. and nothing or anyone is making me happy. im just happy. and i havent been this type of happy in a very very long time. Heavenly Father's love is just so amazing and when you truly believe HE loves you so much, you do feel it.
I want to say thank you to people that are happy for me. That have prayed for me, listened to me, and that love me.
I only need people that need me. If that's not you, then dont bother with me. If you want me as a friend then care and be a friend. Want the best for me, like i want the best for you.
The people are amazing, fun, nice, and so laid back.
Thanks Kenzi for putting in the good words =] I owe ya one.
I work at the Palmer Drug Abuse Program or PDAP for short. They do amazing things. I am super interested in becoming an EYL (Extreme Youth Leadership)Lets see... I do all the up front stuff, answer phones, do the mail, organize community service, register people for classes, take care of the contributions made to the program, etc. I'm sure my duties will expand the longer i'm here! I am perfectly okay with that! The pay is better than what i was getting a Dr. Gadasalli's office which is good, but lame b/c i went to college to do what i did at the Doc's office, yet got paid less than i do working in an office atmosphere. After my 90 days, my pay will increase!! Which is always good right?!?! hahaha
Friends, I always knew i had awesome friends, but wow. I may not have alot of close friends, but the ones i do have are amazing and bless my life so much. Seriously. I'm so lucky to have them. I know I'll always have a shoulder to cry on, someone to shop with, someone to talk to, someone to do anything i want or need to do with. Not jsut hey lets hang out.. heck i have tons of those "friends" but people that truly care for ME and MY happiness, not what they can get from me to make them happy. So to those people...thank you and i love you.
My parents.. Just thinking of them puts that i wanna cry feeling in my throat. They go above and beyond to make me happy. It saddeness me that i never really realized how much they do care, and love me. I mean of course... im 24 still living at home with them things get crazy and we all need some space lol but they NEVER stopped nor will stop loving for me and ONLY wanting the best. As long as i am happy..thats all that matters. They dont tell me who i can or cant be with, hang out with... what i can or cant do. They raised me, and instilled good morals, they raised me in a strong faith of the Lord and have never discouraged my new faith. They continue to see the change that it is making. To see them take care of their grandchildren when many grandparents wouldnt do so is inspiring. They arent perfect by any means but they are amazing and loving and UNDERSTANDING, and i truly could not ask for more.
Guys- im not looking for anything serious but would like to find someone to have fun with and i think the guy that im "talking" to now is perfect for that.
The counseling im getting is wonderful. He says sometimes that im moving passed things TOO quickly, but i just noticed how bad i became and realized how i completely changed and wanted to be myself again. I dont think im moving to fast, just ready for the next challenge. I keep telling my family and ppl ive hurt that i want to show them the real me, but i need to be me first. And thats the hardest part. I dont know what that is anymore. after high school family drama doubled, then tripled, and its like every year got worse and worse and i become so involved in what they needed and how as a family to get better and then turning all the attention to Anjel, to losing Anjel...ugh Crystal left and got lost. I dont regret turning all my attention to my family, i dont regret giving up scholarships, or going to UT, i honestly dont, if at all, i regret not spending every single day i had with Anjel. But with that, He is gone and i cant do anything else. I cant replace him, I cant fill that whole. it left when he did but i can make sure everything else is full.
My self worth issues.. oh goodness, i think this will be the biggest issue. i cant take a compliment. its ard to be excited about losing the weight i have lost, bc im still not those pretty size 2 girls. but the thing is.. ill NEVER want to be that small. And its hard to take compliments and be happy when i still hear how PRETTY i am when i hear my friends being called BEAUTIFUL. like no matter what ill never be the beautiful girl, just the pretty one. When shopping.. do i go to the plus size or the "skinny" side. and when i go to the skinny side i still have to get the L or XL to sometimes have it not fit then tread to the "big" side to have the smallest size be too big. Then looking in the mirror and still seeing the 300lb girl then having to do double take in recent pictures or being so surprised when i look at old ones and see how big i really was.
overall, i am HAPPY. and nothing or anyone is making me happy. im just happy. and i havent been this type of happy in a very very long time. Heavenly Father's love is just so amazing and when you truly believe HE loves you so much, you do feel it.
I want to say thank you to people that are happy for me. That have prayed for me, listened to me, and that love me.
I only need people that need me. If that's not you, then dont bother with me. If you want me as a friend then care and be a friend. Want the best for me, like i want the best for you.
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